By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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