I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
