I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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