why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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