lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
