Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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