He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
