You're completely useless in the revolution.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
