put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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