You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
