Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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