Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
