how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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