I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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