he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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