my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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