Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
