It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So much rum. So many feels.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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