sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
