I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
