That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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