fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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