Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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