btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
