i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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