Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
