Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So drunk its hurt
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
