what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
