He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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