i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
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Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
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I need to sanitize my soul.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize