i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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