Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
