I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
