I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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