I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
