Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Randomize
