I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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