you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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