Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
