dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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