Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
