A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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