you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
