Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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