how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
