I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
