I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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