Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
