You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize