I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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