Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
