Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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