we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
