somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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