The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
