so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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