Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
