I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
