So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize