I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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