it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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