i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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