Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
