I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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