I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
