it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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