How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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