dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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