Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
