I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
