: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
