my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize