I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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