Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
