Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
A bitchslap is in order.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
