I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
